There’s a saying “Nice guys finish last” which is 100% true, it means that people who behave in a fair and pleasant way will not be successful in a competitive situation.
In this article, we’re gonna take a look at why being a nice guy is a problem, how to stop being a nice guy, and how long will it take to stop being a nice guy.
But first, let me mention here that calling a guy ‘nice’ is used both positively and negatively. If you’re compassionate and kind to others, then it is your strength. But if your compassion and kindness let others take advantage of you, then your nice behavior is your weakness.
Why Being a Nice Guy is a Problem?
Before we discuss how to stop being a nice guy, we need to discuss why being a nice guy is a problem and why you shouldn’t be a nice guy.
Nice guys often don’t know when to act nice and when to toughen up and say no, they always act nice and it creates a problem. If you’re always nice and don’t know how to set boundaries or say no, you’re gonna get taken advantage of.
Nice guys are often a pushover, meaning they get pushed around by people easily. They care too much about others that they stop caring about themselves.
If someone asks you to do something you don’t wanna do, and you still say ‘yes’ to them because you’re afraid to come across as rude, then your nice behavior is causing trouble for you and you need to stop being nice.
Being always nice hurts your self-esteem, makes you an easy pushover, and lets others take advantage of you.
How to Stop Being a Nice Guy?
Now that you’ve understood why being a nice guy is a problem, the next question arises is how to stop being a nice guy?
Stopping your nice behavior takes conscious effort and time. It won’t happen overnight and it won’t happen by itself. You need to change your behaviors and consciously work on not being nice.
Here are 8 things you can do to stop being a nice guy:-
1. Learn to Say ‘No’
Learning to say ‘No’ often is the best thing you can do to change your nice behavior.
Nice guys are often afraid to say ‘no’ because they are afraid to come across as rude. They think what the other person will think about them if they say ‘no’. If someone asks them for a favor or asks them to do something they don’t wanna do, they feel obliged to say ‘yes’ to it. After saying yes, they regret it but they just don’t have the courage to refuse somebody.
Saying ‘no’ is not easy, but you must learn to say ‘no’. As a man, your primary response should be ‘no’. Only say yes when you really want to say yes.
If a co-worker asks you to do his work, say no, or your friends ask you to go somewhere with them you don’t wanna go, say no. If someone asks to borrow money or something else from you and you don’t feel like giving it, just refuse it. There’s no need to explain the reason behind saying no. Just refuse and don’t explain yourself.
This doesn’t mean, however, that you should never help people. You should help people only when you want to help and not feel obliged to help anyone. You don’t owe anyone anything.
Initially, you might feel bad for saying no, but with time you’ll get used to it. There’s no need to feel bad for refusing to do something for someone you don’t wanna do.
2. Put Your Priorities First
Nice guys often put others before themselves and it creates a problem for them.
Stop making other people happy. Your happiness and well-being should be your first priority. Whenever you do something, first ask yourself how it’ll affect you, then think about how it’ll affect other people.
You are only responsible for your own happiness and well-being and not someone else’s. Nice guys often put other people’s happiness first. You don’t wanna do that.
If there is something that is gonna benefit you but not benefit others, do it. You should think about your benefits first, then other people’s benefits.
3. Don’t Be Afraid of Confrontations
Nice guys are afraid of confronting someone. If someone does something that the nice guy doesn’t like, he’ll keep quiet, do nothing and just suck it up.
If your boss assigns you someone else’s work, instead of just keeping your head down and doing the work, confront him and ask why he is assigning you someone else’s work and what’s in it for you. When someone takes your parking spot, confront that person and ask him to move his vehicle back. When someone cuts you in the line, confront that person and tell him to go to the back of the line.
This doesn’t mean that you should look for confrontations, but if someone does something that hinders your interest or does something that you don’t like, don’t let it go and confront that person about it.
If you want to stop being a nice guy, you must learn to confront people when they do something that you don’t like. Confronting people will increase your value in your own eyes and will make sure people don’t take advantage of you.
4. Don’t Be Afraid of Cutting People Off From Your Life
Don’t be afraid of cutting people off from your life.
If you think that someone in your life is holding you down, cut them off from your life immediately. If you find that there are people in your circle that are toxic, have a victim mentality, or complain a lot, cut them off from your life without feeling guilty.
Nice guys will be too afraid to cut someone off from their life even though they don’t like that person. They care too much about other people’s feelings than they care about their growth and well-being. Even if someone is toxic or holding them down, nice guys will still keep in touch with them and be their friends.
If you feel that someone’s companion is not benefiting you or holding you down, stop being their friends and stop being in touch with them.
You’ll meet a lot of people whose values don’t match with yours, who don’t have the same goals/ambitions as you, and who like to take advantage of people. There’s no point in being friends with them. You’re the CEO of your own life, you’re free to hire or fire people from your life as you like.
5. Build a Good Physique
How you feel about your body is how you act.
Nice guys are often easily intimidated by other people. The way to stop being intimidated by others is to build a good and strong physique. There’s a huge difference in how you feel when you’ve got 30% body fat vs when you’ve got 15% body fat.
This doesn’t mean that all the people who don’t have a good physique are nice or all the people who have a good physique are not nice guys. Having a good physique won’t automatically stop you from being a nice guy, but it’ll definitely help.
When you have a strong and fit body and a strong body language, you’ll feel much more confident and you’ll be less eager to please others. Also, you won’t be intimidated or be pushed around by people.
Start exercising regularly and put only high-quality foods inside your body. Lifting weights in the gym is an excellent way to build a strong physique. Lifting weights regularly can completely transform the way how you look, how you feel, and how you act.
6. Dress Sharply
Dressing sharply will not only give you confidence but can help you act more assertive.
Develop a fashion sense. Learn how a t-shirt, shirt, or jeans should fit. Wear only nice fitted clothes. Don’t wear too tight or baggy clothes. Wear what gives you confidence.
A nice fitted t-shirt, jeans, leather jacket and a nice pair of sneakers is the ultimate “bad boy” dress. Wearing fitted clothes will make you feel more confident and act assertively.
Also, start taking care of your skin by developing a grooming routine. Having clear and glowing skin can change how you feel about yourself and can give you confidence.
Exercising regularly, pumping iron daily, eating clean, taking care of your skin, and dressing sharply can make a huge difference in how you feel and act. It can turn you from a nice guy to a “bad boy”.
If you want to learn more about fashion and grooming, check the youtube channels teachingmensfashion and Alpha M. These are 2 of the best men’s fashion and grooming channels on youtube, in my opinion. Also, check out my article- 6 male grooming habits for better skin.
7. Set Boundaries
Set Healthy boundaries with people and don’t let anyone cross them.
Setting boundaries means specifying what others are allowed to do and say to you and what they are not allowed to do or say. boundaries are guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them.
Nice guys often have no boundaries. Anyone can do anything or say anything to them. The nice guy won’t probably like some of these actions or words, but won’t do anything.
You don’t want to get in a position where anyone is allowed to do anything or say anything to you. Be clear about what you’ll tolerate and what you won’t. Set healthy boundaries and don’t let anyone cross those boundaries.
When someone crosses that boundary, confront them and ask them not to do it again. If they do it again, cut them off from your life. You don’t want people in your life who don’t respect the boundaries set by you.
Set boundaries with everyone in your life, your parents, partner, friends, colleagues, etc. They should know what actions and words you’ll tolerate and what you won’t tolerate. Just like you expect people to respect the boundaries set by you, you should also respect the boundaries set by them. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for any relationship.
8. Say What’s in Your Mind
Always say what’s in your mind even if it can offend someone.
Nice guys are too afraid to say anything even slightly offensive to people because they are worried that the other person won’t like it. They keep what they actually think to themselves and say what the other person wants to hear.
A nice guy tries to please everyone, that’s why he never disagrees with people. Agreeing all the time with everyone will hurt your self-esteem and you’ll become an easy pushover for people. You’ll become someone who doesn’t have his own opinion. People don’t respect guys like these.
You should say what you actually feel and not what the other person wants to hear. Don’t be afraid to say what’s in your mind even if it can offend some people.
This doesn’t mean that you should intentionally say something to offend or hurt people. But there’s no harm in disagreeing with people.
How Long Will it Take to Stop Being a Nice Guy?
Now that you’ve understood what you need to do to stop being a nice guy, you might be wondering how long it’ll take to finally stop being nice.
The answer to that question is that it’ll take time. It won’t happen overnight. Getting rid of nice behaviors will take time because behaviors and habits are hard to form and hard to break.
For example, learning to say ‘no’ will take time. Initially, you’ll feel awkward and uncomfortable refusing people and saying ‘no’ to them. But with time you’ll get used to it. Nonetheless, it’ll take time to get used to it.
Similarly, Building the habit of confronting people and saying what’s in your mind will take time. Initially, you might not feel comfortable and even feel intimidated in confronting people and saying what’s in your mind, but with time you’ll get used to it.
If you consciously start working on changing your nice behaviors, then expect about 4-5 months before you start seeing some results. It’ll take this much amount of time for you to notice a difference in yourself and getting more assertive.
If you want to know in detail what you can do to stop being a nice guy, I recommend reading the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” By Robert A. Glover. It’ll help you improve your dating life and give you an insight into what women want in a man. It is available on Amazon.
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Conclusion
Here are the 8 things you can do to stop being a nice guy:-
- Learn to Say ‘No’
- Put Your Priorities First
- Don’t Be Afraid of Confrontations
- Don’t Be Afraid of Cutting People Off From Your Life
- Build a Good Physique
- Dress Sharply
- Set Boundaries
- Say What’s in Your Mind
